on Thanksgiving: I Love You All, But I Very Much Want to Leave Now

“Sorry, can’t talk right now. Explosive diarrhea. Who made the yams?”

“Sorry, I’m not interested in provoking a broad discussion on international relations.”

“Sorry, I just think that pet ownership is ecologically irresponsible.”

“Sorry, my girlfriend is currently throwing all of my clothes onto the front yard for not going to her family’s Thanksgiving.”

“Sorry, I lost a lot of money into that whole Fyre Fest thing and I’m still salty about it.”

“Sorry, I’m just on edge because your voice sounds exactly like one of my exes.”

“Sorry, I suffer from a bad bout of trypophobia, and your pores are really big.”

“Sorry, I’m just fiending on Adderall because my mom sold the house I grew up in last week and I’m riddled with sentimentality.”

“Sorry, I’ve reserved a table at a Chinese restaurant in Riverside that does karaoke and I’ve just thought of the perfect song for my vocal range.”

The truth is, I’m thankful for everything. All of it. All of You. My beautiful family. My dear friends. Those of you who fall somewhere in between. The opportunity to work on myself. My job(s). My car that didn’t start a couple days ago. The random calls to check in on me. The people who are still down to go to concerts and shows of bands that they don’t even listen to. The great days, the bad days, and the days that aren’t even memorable. All of it. All of You.

Happy Thanksgiving!