Everyone's Wingman: It's About to Get Real Dark in this Bitch
Chris,
I get depressed when the seasons change from Summer to Fall. What can I do?
Who wouldn’t get depressed? The days are getting shorter. The nights: longer, colder, and darker. There are no good TV shows. Your baseball team is probably not contending. Football players are all injuring each other. Leaves are dying and smelling a little like poop. The only comfort in this cruel world is, like, pumpkin-spiced and shit. Beers, coffee, even pumpkin-spiced pumpkins.
During the daytime, the light outside is just different, as if not there to provide warmth or illumination. It is “light” in scare quotes. Just enough to remind you of everything that you are slowly but surely losing, even if for only a few minutes at a time: Time with your parents. A real shot with the woman you’re crushing hard on. That head start on your retirement savings. Your youth.
But, hey, I’m right there with you, buddy! I actually really dig fall. The trees turn orange and red. The weather is cool enough where you can layer and get a seriously killer outfit going. The brisk mornings wake you up in such a manner that it almost feels like the universe is kicking your ass into gear.
But we know how this movie is going to end: We’re all headed straight into another winter.
In winter its dark all day and all night. And this lasts for like seven fucking months. Or it seems that way. There are few reasons that make it seem worth emerging from the warmth of your blankets every morning. It becomes more of a chore to go to the gym. At this point you’ll yearn for anything pumpkin-spiced, but it will be long gone. All the pumpkins are frozen. Their little pumpkin faces filled with frost and regret. They once smiled so joyfully but now they feel nothing except cold and dark and helpless. Needless to say, if you get depressed about fall, you’re going to fucking hate winter.
Thankfully there’s a lot you can do about feeling blue. I see a therapist. She is nice. And it’s nice, if you can afford it, to talk about your problems with someone who is trained to listen to these problems and work with you to work on yourself. And while I’m confident that my therapist rolls her eyes, even if only on the inside, when I bring up my dad for the millionth time, that’s why I pay!
You can talk about anything with therapists! Your mom. Your dad. Your job. Relationships. The time you felt least like.a man. Even about how our slow, inevitable, communal crawl toward the cold eternal sleep keeps you up at night. That’s what they’re there for, buddy!
Taking care of yourself is also a good way to stay on top of your seasonal depression. Take vitamins, try yoga, and drink some delicious tea. Anything to keep your mind away from that inevitable long sleep of death. Jasmine tea is especially my favorite for this.
While I’m spitballing, there are also these awesome light bulbs you can buy for your front steps or your back patio that give you full spectrum coverage of light. They do feel different. It’s nice to be bathed in all the colors, even the invisible ones. This is probably some kind of placebo ripoff, but so what? So much of the world determines how we feel: Late-night subway rides, angry weird people, terrible racist Presidents. When you can feel like you’re actively doing something to make yourself feel better, life is way better. Don’t let terrible Presidents and other assholes get you down. This is your life, and you get to decide what it’s filled with. Not some fucking moron!
And when you need help, you really should ask your friends for a hand. They will help you. Or they’re not your friends. Everybody feels down once in a while. Sometimes it’s just nice to see someone who knows you, knows all your problems, and likes you anyway. Talking about stuff makes us feel better. If you can’t talk, write. If you can’t write, think. If you even just take a second to realize that things are not so bad, you’ll realize that the sun will come back eventually someday and the world will not be cold and depressing forever.
There’s no dark day or night so far in the history of human beings that has lasted forever. I’ve researched it!
We always have choices and options while we’re alive. You’ll soon learn that the fall ain’t so bad. Sure, we slip and have a couple too many pumpkin-spiced lattes every year. They’re everywhere. It’s like Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Drink a pumpkin thing or they’ll find you!
This might be the Stockholm Syndrome talking, but they sometimes actually taste good. So be good to yourself! And to pumpkins!
This is the fifth installment in an unwanted, ongoing series where I answer reader-submitted questions.
If you’d like to waste some time today, I’d suggest you check out the other entries here:
Everyone's Wingman: Tipping, Bar Etiquette, and Business
Everyone's Wingman: Fashion, Bread-Winnin', and Someone Thinking You're Gay
Everyone's Wingman: Running Late, Booty Calls, & "Just Friends"
Everyone’s Wingman: How Can I Tell the Same Story Over and Over without Upsetting My Wife?
If you’d like to submit a question, you can do so here.