on The Weather: Always a Surefire Way To Fake An Interesting Personality
Ahhh, the weather. Ol’ reliable. When I don’t have shit to talk to you about, I bring up the weather. For some of you, that’s probably just a way to keep a conversation going or maybe a way to fill the room with something more than awkward silence. For me, it’s the single easiest way to make myself seem somewhat interesting.
“It’s so fun to get all bundled up and brave the elements,” I’ll say, making it seem like I am adventurous and outdoorsy. In reality, nothing beats day drinking inside alone, wearing only boxers and some crazy hat from an old Halloween costume while watching decades-old wrestling clips on YouTube, cheering as if it were live.
“But when it gets too cold, I like that we can stay in and life slows down a little bit.” Ooh, that one surprised even me. Insightful. Sensitive. Bravo, Christian.
“Plus, I like a little nip in the air.” Glass-half-full kinda guy. Almost too-good-to-be-true kinda guy. Now we hit ‘em with the closer. Something to show them you are a man of culture.
“THINK THIS IS COLD?? THINK THIS IS COLD, BRO?? NEGATIVE 40, DUDE. YOU KNOW WHAT THATS LIKE? YOU PISS OUTSIDE, DICK FALLS OFF BRO!”
Aaaaand we lost them.