on Bad Decisions

I have a well-documented history of bad decisions. Actually, now that I think about it, “bad decisions” doesn’t emphasize this enough. Lack of insight is maybe a better way of putting it. Or, no, I got it, I got it: Being a fucking idiot. Yep, that’s it. Being a fucking idiot. That’s how I would phrase it: I have a well-documented history of being a fucking idiot.

BUT there is always, always, always a silver lining. Forever learning, forever growing. Throw a little introspection in that mf and you can damn-near guarantee I will learn some kind of lesson. And basic logic dictates that lessons truly learned become behaviors which in turn form into habits. Once you get enough of those bitches, you can change the trajectory of your entire life.

And I have done juuuust that. And good for me, too. You don’t figure your shit out soon enough, this whole thing can come off the rails.

Here, a brief synopsis of what could have been:

Age 22 - 25

This retail/call-center/warehouse job is just for right now while I figure things out.

My self-published Great American Novel, a story based on a real-life experience of a cross-country road trip to get someone into rehab is going to make me RICH.

I have my whole life to save for retirement.

What’s one more drink / cigarette / bucket of extra-crispy chicken/year of living in a van?

I don’t really care about all that romance stuff.

Age 26 - 29

I’ve worked so hard this year at my retail/call-center/warehouse job that they basically have to give me a raise.

I feel like I owe it to myself to buy this cashmere hoodie/pair of Thursday boots/stupid-ass-thing at Banana Republic. (At this price, it’s practically a steal.)

What’s money for, if not to spend it?

My 587 followers on Instagram are going to make me RICH.

This relationship is just for right now while I figure things out.

Age 30 - who knows how long

My retail/call-center/proofreading job could never be outsourced.

Regular dental checkups/oil changes/exercise are probably more like suggestions.

My retail/call-center/warehouse job could never be done by computers/robots/artificial intelligence.

This marriage is just for right now while I figure things out.

If I were really sick I’d probably have a much higher fever.

I’ve got allll the time in the world.

Everything is going to be okay.