Everyone's Wingman: Running Late, Booty Calls, & "Just Friends"

“Where did the phrase ‘fashionably late’ come from? And, really, who ever thought that it was cool to be late?”

I was raised by a mother whose parties were never ready on time. Granted, she raised me as a single parent and I could have been much more helpful. But if you were told that her party started at 7pm, the drinks and food would be ready by roughly 8. Growing up, I always figured it was rude to be on time. Have you not noticed that if you arrive on the hour, the hostess is still getting dressed; she’s not ready, and you’re usually the first one there? The “fashionable” idea is that one must aim for the party to have reached a quorum before you make your entrance.

However, if it’s a dinner party and you arrive a half an hour after the invite time, you’re not fashionable. You’re just plain late. And at an hour late, you’re an asshole.

“There’s this guy that I really like, but he only texts — never calls. And even then, it’s usually just late at night. I called him out and he says he’s busy with work. Help???”

This guy is definitely into you, but for none of the reasons you’d be overly glad to hear. Sounds like he’s not invested, which begs the question: What’s in it for you, lady?

“I’m interested in this girl, but she doesn’t really seem to feel that way about me. Got any tricks to win a girl’s affection?”

If getting rebuffed is a learning experience, it is pretty fair to say that not only have I earned a few PhDs, but have an impressive amount of postdoctoral work in the field as well. You can be charming, show her a good time, and even win her friends over, but if the thought of you doesn’t get her going, nothing in your power will beguile her. The girl always picks the guy. Sometimes it’s the wrong guy, but c’est la vie.

However, in an effort to help, I will bequeath to you the only move I’ve seen work: Wait twenty years. By that time, she may be divorced and a little desperate.