“What is the appropriate amount to tip? I was told by a friend that you should tip only on the bill pretax and never on the liquor, especially wine. I think this particular friend is cheap.”

You are right. Your friend is both cheap and a fucking loser.

I’ve worked in the industry, so I always tip very generously, even when the service is bad. You don’t know if the person had a shitty day or not. There are a lot of factors that come into play.

20% is a good rule of thumb, but throw in a few bucks extra if the service is exceptional. If you are a shitty tipper and you return to this place, the staff will remember you. Trust me.

“What’s an effective way to get a bartender’s attention?”

A man should always carry cash to a bar and pay for the first round with said cash. A cash tip makes you stand out. The bartender will always help whoever was there first, but definitely won’t skip over you if you find yourself in a sea of drunk assholes waving their daddy’s credit cards.

Always know what you’re going to order before you order, especially if the place is a fucking mad house.

“I like flavored drinks, but I have a feeling that they’re not the manliest drinks in the world, and I don’t want to look like a pussy. Do you think women laugh at a man who orders flavored cocktails?”

I don’t know that a woman cares about what a guy drinks, but your friends sure do. If you don’t mind being the butt of a joke for the entire night, order what you’d like.

If you are on a date, make sure the drink you order does not come with a fucking umbrella in it. Avoid any pink-colored drink, too. If you absolutely must, get a good buzz at home with your pink martini, then call the Uber.

“Some guys in my office are teaming up on a birthday gift for our boss. Problem is, he has basically everything and can afford anything. Any advice on getting something for the man?”

First thing’s first: It’s not about the money; it’s about the taste. Buy him something unusual, using your own expertise, like J.P. Donleavy’s The Unexpurgated Code. It’s the single-funniest advice book ever written that covers situations other etiquette books don’t dare, such as Ass-kissing, Duels, Farting, etc. If your boss is smart, he’ll realize that you are, too. Don’t hop in the office pool. Business is, after all, every man for himself.

Everyone's Wingman: Tipping, Bar Etiquette, and Business

“What is the appropriate amount to tip? I was told by a friend that you should tip only on the bill pretax and never on the liquor, especially wine. I think this particular friend is cheap.”

“What’s an effective way to get a bartender’s attention?”

“I like flavored drinks, but I have a feeling that they’re not the manliest drinks in the world, and I don’t want to look like a pussy. Do you think women laugh at a man who orders flavored cocktails?”

“Some guys in my office are teaming up on a birthday gift for our boss. Problem is, he has basically everything and can afford anything. Any advice on getting something for the man?”