on Tinder: Sending Messages Only The Insane Would Find Captivating

I remember working a tour with an especially rambunctious crew in the summer of 2016. I had just quit my agency job and took this gig out of desperation. The thought of living out of Red Roof Inn for the next 6 weeks with a group of guys I didn’t know had zero appeal, but I was out of options.

It turned out to be one of the most fun jobs I’ve ever had. These guys were absolute savages. I mean that in the best way possible. We were just a bunch of kids who came from entirely different walks of life, yet still shared a fond appreciation for cheap beer, psychedelics, and swiping on Tinder.

I experienced minimal success, but these guys were on another level. Not only would they get tons of matches, but they’d send the most outrageous messages. It was like they were trying to not get laid. None of what they were sending these women made any sense to me. And yet their matches were eating this shit up. I had never been more confused in my life. These women would meet us out with their friends but I just couldn’t believe the process that had gotten us to this point.

This, of course, is the curse of the insecure male. It’s not our muffin tops or abandonment issues. It’s the fact that when the hot girl gets in our proximity, we simply can’t just be. Our methods of survival are the very things that will drive her away. Like when you’re at a fancy hotel pool and a bunch of girls take their tops off and it’s no big deal. Well, I’m always the guy running to everyone else, pointing and yelling, “Did you see the topless girls? There are topless girls by the pool!” That’s not what the guy gaming away on Tinder does. Anyways, I don’t know where I was going with this. Enjoy the video. Also shout-out to that tour crew.

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