on "The Talk": Christian Rangel Solves Your Parenting Conundrums

You know, more and more of you are having kids. Which is cool, I guess. Do you. Personally, I like the whole zero accountability thing. The fact that on any given night I can have one too many drinks and risk this entire train coming off the rails keeps things interesting. It works for me.

But have YOU thought everything through? It becomes much more difficult than diapers and Gerbers. Pretty soon that kid is gonna start forming thoughts and asking questions. You prepared to talk about dating and hormones and questionable purchases on the cable bill? Yeah, didn’t think so. Lucky for you that we’re friends and I’m such a nice and generous person. Not to mention incredibly humble.

Ladies and gentleman, I’m going to solve your child-raising problems in a single blog post. Once your kid is old enough to date, don’t sit them down for “the Talk.” (No kid wants to see their mom or dad use two dolls to simulate banging. That shit is cringe.) Rather, show them this clip and it’ll alllll work out. You see, the Simpsons have taught me more about life than anyone. A babysitter and mentor all in one, the show is so informative that you really don’t need to pay attention to the kid once they’re, like, 12. Just get Disney+ and take the rest of the week off. Make yourself a drink. Put your feet up.

It worked for me and I turned out just fine, obviously.