on Retirement
This might sound strange, but I never really had a plan for my life. I always kind of figured I wouldn’t be around that long. I don’t know if that sounds messed up or not. It’s strange to type, but it’s the truth. I spent so much of my twenties not liking what I saw in the mirror, running away from my problems under the guise of “wanting to see the world,” drinking and smoking and ingesting all sorts of toxins, then wandering the streets until drowsy, that it just seemed like this whole show was bound to end abruptly. Statistically, I should have been in the wrong place at the wrong time by now. I remember briefly dating one girl in 2013 and, mid-Netlix and chill, her turning to me and telling me how her kid’s dad was getting out of prison soon. We hooked up for a few more weeks before calling it. How that guy and I never crossed paths and my ass getting beaten to an untimely pulp is beyond me.
The universe, for whatever reason, decided to take care of me. Didn’t matter how little of a shit I gave, how much I overdid it on the drinking, how many shady houses i walked into with friends looking to score something to fuel our debauchery, how many times I’ve been so aggressively out of it in a foreign land sans an international data plan or ability to pronounce the local street names. Except for a couple black eyes and a little mid-flight turbulence, I’ve come out on the other side relatively unscathed. Go figure.
I think this is why I‘ve never been exceptionally good with relationships. Just an emotionally distant guy. Like, “Hey man, don’t get too close because A) You’re not going to like what’s behind this curtain or B) it’s going to hurt when I’m not around, and that’s probably going to be soon.”
Now, this is not an attempt to sound all victim-y. I am not looking for phone calls to check on my well-being. I’m simply explaining my thought process years ago. Things change, people change. I really do give a shit now. About all sorts of things!
That whole “your body is a temple” scam? I’ve bought into it big-time. Lots of kale and spinach going on over here, baby.
I plan on annoying the fuck out of my friends and family for decades to come.
I wonder if Vince will move to Puerto Rico. That would be so fucking tight. I’d visit every chance I get just to see how happy him and Brittany would be.
I think Tony is rounding the corner and starting in a new field with all sorts of potential. I hope he finds so much success. I’m thankful that I can still hang out with them, Jack, and Leo. That’s my fucking squad right there.
Six of my friends got engaged recently and I will, of course, be around to celebrate with all of them.
I miss Pat. We never talk anymore and I know it’s because I always got too fucked up around him. He grew up and I stayed 21. That behavior cost me a lot of things, but his friendship is the toughest price I’ve paid.
I’m trying to work on my relationship with my family after having been absent for the last decade. That’s going to be a tough one, but I’m determined. Fucking unheard of only a few years ago, when I relied on some cartoon character schtick of a persona.
Speaking of which, that motherfucker from a few years ago hated organized curriculums and now this motherfucker right here will be taking an exam for an apprenticeship in a month, which, if all goes well, should provide a nice little career for the rest of my life. Enough money to, at the very least, pay for the whiskey shots and karaoke tabs when I’m well into my 70’s in what I can only assume is a dive bar in the great state of Florida.
Everything’s coming up Christian!