on the Perfect Woman

Whenever someone asks me what type of woman I like, I never answer with physical attributes. I think it‘s weird for a dude who’s been consistently described as a solid Midwest 6 to say, “Yeah she’s gotta be really pretty and in great shape.” So when I am asked, I usually just respond with my favorite personality trait: I like ‘em serious. Like, overly-serious. Almost scary. If I meet you for the first time and you show zero emotion or joy throughout the encounter, I’m 100% shooting my shot. You don’t know it, but I am bringing my A-1 material. I save my best jokes for the serious ones.

Maybe it’s the chase. Maybe I’m trying to win these women over to make up for something else in my past. Who knows. Connie used to ask me tons of questions about my romantic life (or lack thereof for a time there). I hated talking about it. The trick is to answer what you think your therapist wants to hear. Give a glimpse of truth without actually answering the question. Connie saw right through it, but since she was charging me $325 per session, we never really got to the bottom of it. Which I’m fine with.

Like Casey Salengo says, some things you gotta keep buried.