on Being a Man

The bar for men is absurdly low and I love it. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve been praised for doing the bare minimum or acting like a semi-decent human being. Like the time I blew my burp away from this girl’s face after downing my fourth Green Line IPA. Nice. Or when this woman at work applauded me for pointing out that she was the first one to suggest an idea my team ended up using. Lol, alright I’ll take it.

Or the time Tony and I found a drunk, barefoot girl out on the street after last call of a 4am bar. Tony let her wear his Jordan’s. She had no phone or purse and, from what I recall, wasn’t making much sense. Beyond fucked up. I was ready to call a cab home and not think twice about leaving her, but Tony insisted on helping her out. I let her crash on my couch and we got a hold of her friends the next morning. They asked us if we could buy her an Uber to her house in NAPERVILLE, a rich suburb about an hour west of Chicago.

“Fuck outta here, call her Uber and let me know when it’s outside.”

“Ok, sure, and OMG, you guys are so sweet. Thank you for taking care of my friend.”

GODDAMN RIGHT! FUCKIN’ SAINTS OVAAA HERE!!!

Sam Morril explains how little one has to do to be considered a great guy. (First joke of his new special, I Got This.)