on Halloween: Some Costumes You Already Have in Your Closet

Halloween parties are starting tonight. 4 straight days of debauchery are only a few hours away. What’s your strategy this year? Going with the one outfit for the entire weekend, hoping it doesn’t get too stained or torn? Gross. Maybe you have a couple different costumes that you’ll rotate throughout the weekend? Sounds like a waste of money. More money for bar tabs, less money on shitty fabrics hastily sewn together by Bangladeshi children. You know? What I mean?

Here are some costume ideas that are already hanging in your closet.

• The 2am Instagram Shopper

• The Guy Who Walks into a Bar on Sunday Afternoon to Retrieve his Debit Card

• The Person Whose Fucking Pants Used to Fit

• The Sexy Shut-In

• The Person Who Fully Dresses for Work Zooms Because at Least She’s Trying

• Last Year’s Halloween Costume

• The Stoner Who Enjoys Broad Discussions on Foreign Policy

• The Hipster with a Strong Opinion About Kombucha

• The Unreliable Employee

• The Guy Who Lies About His Height on Dating Apps

• The Slutty Anything

• The Chick Who Still Thinks Studded Jeans are “In”