An Open Letter to the Guy Studying Various Boxes of Condoms at Walgreens Nonchalantly

Dear Guy Studying the Various Boxes of Condoms at Walgreens Nonchalantly,

You’re doing it. I mean, we’ve all dreamed of shopping for condoms out in the open like it was no one else’s business, but you’re actually fucking doing it in front of me and at least three mothers with their small children. Some of us will do it in the privacy of our own homes, studying prices and comfort levels online, but not you. You are not confined to such social norms; norms that usually keep boxes of condoms out of the hands of thousands of men in stores nationwide.

Does the courage to do this come with age? Perhaps it’s something a young man like me cannot understand. You do seem on in years. You are, at the very least, confident enough to not even have, like, a magazine or something in your other hand to put the box of condoms into. That way, you know, it just looks like you’re reading a magazine in the condom aisle. I wonder when your life changed and you arose from the ashes like a phoenix. You are no longer shopping for condoms in secret. You have transcended that station and now fall into an elite group of Spartan-like men who shop for condoms out in the open, wherever they Goddamn-well please.

I especially like how you’re on the phone with your wife or girlfriend or whatever asking her what she’d prefer. Mad props on that.

Your actions disturb and inspire. God help me, I can’t look away. I’m either swelling with physical repulsion or the joy a parent feels watching their child take their first steps. Only in this case, the child is actually a middle-aged, salt-and-pepper hair’ed man shopping for condoms at the Walgreens by my apartment. Whatever the case, you’re an exemplar of bravery. So, please, continue as you were. I myself will keep trying to fight the good fight.

Until Next Time,

Christian