on Being a Man

The bar for men is absurdly low and I love it. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve been praised for doing the bare minimum or acting like a semi-decent human being. Like the time I blew my burp away from this girl’s face after downing my fifth Green Line IPA. She actually thanked me. Or when this woman at work applauded me for pointing out that she was the first one to suggest an idea my team ended up using. Lol, alright I’ll take it.

This one time my buddy Tony and I found a drunk, barefoot woman outside of 4am bar we had just shut down. Apparently she was out with friends and lost them in a drunken stupor. Tony let her wear his Jordans. She had no phone or purse and, from what I recall, wasn’t making any sense. Beyond fucked up. I ordered my Uber home and felt no compunction in leaving her out on the street in the dead of winter, but Tony insisted on helping her.

After a brief back-and-forth, I begrudgingly agreed to let her crash on my couch. We got a hold of her friends the next morning. They asked us if we could buy her an Uber to her house in NAPERVILLE, a suburb outside of Chicago.

“Get the fuck outta here, lady. You’re lucky I don’t charge you for the Miller Lites she grabbed from my fridge last night. Call her Uber and let me know when it’s outside.”

“Ok, ok, and OMG, you guys are so nice. Thank you so much for taking care of my friend.”

GODDAMN RIGHT! FUCKIN’ SAINTS OVAAA HERE!!!

Sam Morril explains how little one has to do to be considered a great guy.