on Men Apologizing: What it is and How You Can Join In On The Fun!

Men, did you know that we are capable of apologizing? Like, we’ve been able to do this for a while. Literally since the beginning of time. Crazy, I know! If you are a fellow man who has just discovered this, check out this nifty FAQ I’ve prepared. It should get you up to speed so you can start apologizing for all the terrible shit you’ve done in no time!

What is that apologizing thing?
Apologizing is something that’s done when you’re wrong or have caused harm to someone. It’s like a “my bad” without being a douche. Until recently it was something most men didn’t believe in, like grooming.

Can men apologize too?
Shockingly enough, anyone can apologize! There’s actually nothing separating a man and an apology. This is counter to what many men believe, but the science just isn’t on their side for this one, not that that would stop them.

Ego size is the biggest hurdle when it comes to men’s apologies, but as long as a person can communicate in some form and has a droplet’s worth of self-awareness and empathy, they are eligible to apologize.

What are the advantages of apologizing?
Being apologetic has many advantages. Your significant other and anyone you interact with won’t hate your fucking guts, outwardly or secretly. You will not be forced to fight miscellaneous men on the streets for random problems. Of course, the aforementioned hating of your fucking guts. The list goes on and on!

Physically how do I apologize? I don’t think my body moves that way!
It will take some work in the beginning. Start out with five sets of eight to twelve reps mouthing, “I am so sorry.” Start light and really focus on form. Pretty soon apologies will be as second nature to you as wiping. Eventually, you might even get to a point where you’re sorry for something you did and your apology saves a relationship and helps you grow as a person. Pretty rad, bro!

When should one apologize?
There are endless times when it’s appropriate to apologize. Basically anytime you would like to be an actual human being instead of an alpha fuckboy.

Apologize after rudely bumping into someone much smaller than you who you could’ve avoided by taking one step to the side. Apologize after loudly regurgitating what someone else has already said and taking credit for it. As a quick rule of thumb, depending on the ego in question, apologize after anything you’ve said or done.

What if I’ve never been in the wrong?
It seems as if you are a man and are in the right place here. Grab a pen, a notepad, and download a recorder app for your phone. Ask someone close to you in your life if you’ve ever been wrong and had something to apologize for. Take the pen and start writing down everything they’ve said. When your hand cramps and the notebook is almost full, you can turn on the recorder to give yourself a break. Think about all the things they’ve said, stare at yourself in the mirror like the absolute piece of shit you are, and repeat until it gets through that thick skull.

Why didn’t anyone ever tell me any of this?
Actually they did, you talked over them.